The Royal Idiot
by puRpLebLuSh017
Summary: Naruto had a brain. Surprise. Surprise. And he's going to use it for a groundbreaking achievement--getting them together. Sasusaku. Slightly crack.
1. Prologue

**Insert Standard Disclaimer**

Blah. Blah. Blah.

_Enjoy!_

-

**The Royal Idiot**

_Written by purpleblush017_

**. : Prologue : .**

People might think that I'm the most idiot person in the whole village, or even in the entire galaxy. That if there's a contest regarding the dumbest one, I'd sure win first prize, hands-down.

Well, I couldn't blame those people who think so. I can surely admit that I, Uzumaki Naruto am not the best pickle in the jar. I even have to repeat the same grade thrice. I was also given the title 'dead-last' for literally graduating as the last in class standing.

When it comes to things that need using the brain, I'm damned. People would often retort and say that I don't have a brain to begin with. Well, let I'll tell them a little something—I'm just a slow learner. Period. Say another word and I'll _Rasengan_ your ass to the next village.

…

Ehem.

Anyway, as I was saying, I may probably be an idiot. But there's someone who I know that could really surpass my legacy. Someone who is definitely clueless with regards to his own feelings. Someone who lives within the safe border of his walls. Someone who doesn't accept things outside the portrait of the ninja beliefs and teachings.

Who is this person you ask? Drum roll, please.

_(Drum roll)_

The acclaimed heartthrob, voted no. 1 hunk in the _Konoha Haven Magazine_ (must be some kind of porn magazine women are into), the cocky pain in the ass ANBU captain, one of the most self-conceited bastards of Konoha today, the last lineage of his family, the person most women dream about while having wet dreams, the person people loved to hate and hated to love.The one and only—

Uchiha Sasuke.

Yes. Aside from his looks and his intellectual superiority, he outranks me when it comes to stupidity and idiocy.

Why?

Because he let anger and hatred envelope his life to the point he lost control of it. When he had finally defeated his damnated brother, it was then, I knew, he knew that the road he took was misled. It took him, what—three years! Three years just to figure it all out! And people call him smart? Geez.

You still don't believe me, don't you? You still think that I'm more than an idiot than him. Right? Well, let me prove you wrong.

Sasuke-teme tells people to go take a hike somewhere and leave him alone. But what he really needed is their presence, our presence. The loving warmth that he's longing for. He rejects the sole thing that can give him the solitary finement that he mostly needed.

Speaking of rejection, he keeps on rejecting the most obvious thing in the world.

He _loves_.

"Stop telling nonsense. This is a waste of my time." Sasuke-teme told me and ran off when I mentioned it the first time. I grinned at that moment. Because no matter how he tried to hide it, I saw the faint blush on his cheeks. That damn bastard just gave me the evidence I need to support my theory.

Uchiha Sasuke, the same person who claimed he has no heart, as ironic as it may seem, is capable of loving. That, in his own sick and twisted way, he cares deeply.

Too much that he doesn't even realize it. Too much that to him it just became habitual. Too much that he'd become blind to his own feelings.

And that's what made me believe that he deserved the no. 1 Idiot trophy than me. Because I noticed. Because I saw the evidences. The truth behind the lies. The real thing behind the high walls of his security.

The little secret I'm keeping to myself, planning to use it as blackmail later on.

Uchiha Sasuke is in love. So madly in love with the person he vowed to never fall for. In love with the person he not only once but twice tried to kill. In love with the kunoichi everyone dreamed of having. In love with the person who started shielding herself from love.

Eh? You ask for the evidences that I have gathered? Isn't it obvious enough? Didn't you see the way he looked at her? The way his eyes soften, how he reacts when he's with her. Didn't you see it? Well, too bad for you. But don't worry, there's no stopping the love tonight.

_Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings. The world for once, in perfect harmony… _

No matter how people try to avoid it, the inevitable always happen.

Uchiha Sasuke seems unconsciously in love with Haruno Sakura.

Thus, the Hidden Leaf Village will soon crumble into pieces.

And I, Uzumaki Naruto, will definitely have fun. Payback time, teme!

(snickers)


	2. 01

**Insert Standard Disclaimer**

Blah. Blah. Blah.

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Royal Idiot**

_Written by purpleblush017_

Before you get confused and whine and _bitch_ at me because the information I gave have jumbled up, leaving you unable to piece them together, I'll start at the very beginning.

Not _the_ very beginning because our beginning happened many, many years ago. And I am very much aware that you know that story very well. If not, you can watch it on _YouTube _or in _Crunchyroll_ or download it in fan sites or watch it in DVD, sitting comfortably on your cozy chairs. Because if you asked me to tell that tale,_ man_, it would take me more than 6 months talking!

And yes, I know that my life is tapped. I'm not complaining. I have my very own series! I'm the most important main character! Not to mention the most _handsomest_! My face would be and _is_ in every episode!_ Chyeah_! Why would I complain? Who would complain at that?

Huh?

_You?_

Why? Do you star in an anime series entitled after you?

Pfft. Figures.

(Cackles)

Fine. Enough gloating.

(_Killjoy!)_

Maybe using my point of view in telling this story would be advantageous too. I mean, I get to describe Sasuke-teme to you, don't I? Which I'll definitely do so!

(Grin)

No, no! Definitely no exaggerating! I promise!

(Fingers crossed)

Ugh. Don't look at me like that! I'm not lying! Tch. There, see my fingers? They're not crossed! I'll try my very best, okay? _Dattebayo!_

(Toes crossed)

Actually, like all things, it started in a really fine day. You know, nice weather, cool atmosphere, no tension, no indication of any sort of problem. Really. It was almost close to perfection. Perfect which is my synonym for_ ordinary_—me doing something stupid, Sakura-chan back sassing me then hitting me _or _hitting me before back sassing me, Kakashi-sensei being unreasonably late, and Sasuke-teme getting annoyed yet smirking at our antics.

You know, _that_ perfect ordinary day.

So, who would have thought that it would turn out as it did?

Someone up there should have given at least a warning or something. Because really, how the hell would I have prepared for what was in store for us that night?

* * *

**01**

* * *

It was March 28 when it happened.

Sakura-chan's birthday! Her Twenty-first birthday!

And just like past year's birthdays, we did a little celebration. Kakashi-sensei, me, Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan on a fine dinner, which really sucks by the way. Those classy restaurants could only offer food that makes me gag. But really, how could I complain at the birthday girl's plans? Okay. Maybe I did. Once.

She smiled at me and punched me square in the face! A few minutes later, half of my face felt numb. It was incredibly swollen! She didn't heal it. I'm sure that she talked to all of the medic-nins in the village because they all refused to make my face better! My half swollen face stayed with me for three days, feasting on people laughing and mocking at it.

So, yeah. Lesson learned!

During her special days—including PMSing days, her birthdays, and her favorite holidays, I was extra careful of everything that rolled and would roll out of my tongue especially in front of her! Hidden beneath her beautiful face is a deranged woman blessed with that crazy strength. _Damn _you, Tsunade-ba-chan for teaching her that! Why didn't you just stick with the medical ninjutsu?

Back to the main topic here: Sakura-chan's birthday.

This little celebration that we conduct is like a team seven reunion. Sometimes accompanied by _tag-alongs_ namely Yamato-taichou and Sai. Yamato-taichou was always welcome and invited. Though he's really hard to locate being ANBU and all that. There's Sai-bastard too. Oh, he sure comes yearly. But he'd be knocked out even before we get to the second phase of celebration, which is drinking.

Bah! Serves him right for insulting Sakura-chan on her special day! Hasn't he learned the lesson here? How many beating does he need until he fully understood and kept in mind the golden rule here?

_Thou shall not call Haruno Sakura 'ugly'. Especially on special occasions._

Do and you'll end up half-dead. Which is really worse than death. Trust me, I've been there many times and there is no pleasant feeling in it. Sakura-chan can sure bring out the best in her in all aspects as she combines her monstrous strength and her healing abilities.

Oh the horror!

Another part of her special treatment during her birthday is this: Me and Sasuke-teme and if possible, Kakashi-sensei too, fetching her and accompanying her to the restaurant. Just like what we did last year and the years before that. She says that since she doesn't have a love life, she'll just take in pleasure in her two best friends picking her up as if going on a date. I really don't mind. Though, I don't quite get it either. Women are complicated creatures.

I stood in front of Sakura-chan's doorstep. Teme was not yet there. As part of the tradition, she made us wear something formal during her birthday bash.

That night, I wore a red long-sleeve shirt and orange tie wringed on my neck. A black belt kept my slacks from falling. It was Iruka-sensei's, (that loving teacher, always bailing me out of trouble) since I don't own any formal pants. Imagine if I had worn an orange jumpsuit instead of that? Sakura-chan would sure have me killed! My feet were covered by those shinny shoes. I even took another bath before I went there. And don't forget, I brushed my teeth thoroughly! And my _gelled_ hair! Note the hair!

The door opened and revealed a very prepped-up Sakura-chan. I can vividly remember how awesome and beautiful she looked that night.

She wore a halter-style red dress that reached only inches before her knees, giving her a taller look. There was a cherry petal designed obi that hugged her waist up to below her breasts. She wore her favorite pair of shoes—those inch and half stiletto shoes (Men's enemy!) with thick straps encircling her ankles with a ribbon tie on opposite sides. She carried a pink purse that matched her obi sash. Her pink hair, straight on the top and curly on the bottom. Her faced lightened by the natural make-up.

Before you judge me, all I have to say is that having a female best friend for a very long time has drastic consequences. Just like this one. I learned long ago to be very keen on her outfit and give her compliments and praises to uplift her heart and spirit. Because if I _don't_, I'd be back to the hospital pronto. _Again._

"Sakura-chan!" I greeted her enthusiastically, handing out my hand to her. "Happy birthday! You look super-duper pretty today! Beautifully stunning!" I said slowly, emphasizing every word, hoping that I don't get to miss anything.

Sakura-chan raised a fine pink eyebrow at the hand I stretched out for her. "What's this? You have no present, don't you?" she gazed at me. I cringed in fear. "So you're giving me a handshake instead?"

Well, that wasn't exactly true! Because I did had a present for her. A coupon for a 10 minute all-you-can-grab on that dress store she love, which I won at the lottery. I had to buy _thirty _freakin' tickets before I won the thing. I knew she'd flip and love me instantly the moment I handed her that. And then she'll marry me and have lots of my babies. Yeah. Too bad I lost the damn thing. It really wasn't my fault!

It was…_ugh_—why did it have to go missing all of a sudden? Stupid piece of crap! I didn't had enough time and money to buy another gift, a ticket to bet on the lottery cost a fortune! And I bought _thirty_ just to win that damn thing that just went missing all of a sudden! That said, I was plain broke and this was the only thing I could think of in replacement.

Well, it's the thought that counts, right?

I grinned nervously. "This is a _very_ special handshake, Sakura-chan!"

She grunted in disappointment as she playfully slapped my hand away.

"Teme doesn't give you any gift! So, it's just fair, right?" I huffed, slightly hurt. The previous year before that, I gave Sakura-chan a water boiler which I use whenever chance I get to cook my precious instant ramen with. It's just hitting two birds with one stone. But Sasuke-teme, the bastard that he was, came up empty-handed when we fetched her. Just like the previous years before that.

"Can't I get off the off the hook just this once, Sakura-chan?" I pleaded. I absolutely cannot bear to see her wear a frown just because of me. "I'll make it up to you! _I promise_!"

She crossed her arms. Oh she definitely gave me _that_ look! That 'I-don't-care-what-you-say-I'm-always-right-anyway' look. I knew I lost. The arguments we had always ended with me as the loser and she as the winner.

"That's not fair, Sakura-chan!" I protest. Because there really is an obvious favoritism going on in here! Always "Sasuke-kun' over me! Given that she's totally romantically attached to the guy doesn't mean she had to be unjustifiable! Her decisions were always biased! "Not fair! I gave you a water boiler last year and—"

She looked at me suspiciously. "You mean the water boiler that you always use—as in _every__day_ for breakfast, lunch and dinner to heat up that instant ramen goodness you call? That thing?"

I was not able to retort on that. She just totally stated the truth. But _still_. "Sasuke-teme didn't give you a gift that year! And the year before that and the years before that!"

Said Sasuke-teme came up to us, clad in a blue long-sleeve shirt, with an open button on his wrists. The two first buttons of his shirt was undone, leaving the whole world able to see that Uchiha crest necklace of his. And some of his flesh too. (That bastard, gloats every chance he gets) His shirt was tucked in neatly. His slacks ironed. Though my shoes were way shinier than his!

"How could you be so sure about that, dobe?" Teme sarcastically asked. Turned out, he heard enough to react that way.

I may not be that sure that Sasuke-teme doesn't give Sakura-chan presents. Putting his personality in consideration, it would be expected that he'd slip his gift unnoticed by the world. Well, that's my theory. You see, every birthday, _my_ birthday, there would be a gift wrapped in blue foil that would magically appear beside the sink of my apartment. It would only contain a 'Happy birthday' greeting with no sender's name. I always had an itching hunch that it was Teme's doing.

Technically, right under my nose, he could have been doing the same for Sakura-chan, right?

"Sakura," Teme greeted, passing me by the shoulder. I saw his dark eyes twinkle.

Oh, I know that look!

He just gave Sakura-chan the _Up-Down_ look!

He does this every time Sakura-chan comes in view. He would stare at her clothes and appearance. From top to bottom. Thus, I called it Up-Down! His eyes would look at her head down to her toes as if checking for indecency or anything that would piss him off.

And he did it again.

There was a frown that formed on his lips. "Wear a jacket." He did not obviously like her halter dress. He may have had a feeling that it showed her bare back, which it really did, and he didn't plan on letting the whole world see it. "You're going to freeze."

Sakura-chan smiled, my empty and present-less hand forgotten, and went back inside her house. When she came back, she was wearing a suspiciously brand new elegant Peach Trench coat which looked and probably was really expensive.

I don't know if Sakura-chan knew about Sasuke-teme's Up-Down look at her. There were times that she looked oblivious and confused even when Teme demanded her to change her outfit. But at that time, at that night, I felt that she knew and provoked him. Because maybe, just maybe, she enjoyed the little attention she received from Teme.

Even if it was just her choice of clothing.

Maybe for her, it showed that Sasuke-teme, in his own way, cared for her.

* * *

The remnants of that night were like water to me. I really can't get a hold of. I mean I don't get it at all. One moment, we were walking and chattering and talking about stuff and missions and more missions (because this was the only topic Sasuke-the-love-of Sakura-chan's-life would listen to and comment about) and eating those classy foods _and then_ the next moment, we were sitting on a low table on some Sake bar, drinking to a stupor.

"Yo!" Kakashi-sensei appeared before us. I remember he looked decent as well. He must be harboring some secret fear for Sakura-chan too because he never looked that formal and decent in normal days or if really, _really_ needed. But I'm not really that sure. My memory of him that night was kind of faint.

Sakura-chan and I glared at him. "You're late!" we said in unison and then laughed maniacally. "Got lost on the road of _fuckin_' life again?" we spat at him laughing. "Sensei, sensei, _old _Kakashi-sensei! Sit with us! Drink with us!" We dragged him to the table and sat on a cushion on the Tatami mat. "Here, here! Drink and be merry! For tomorrow you _shall_ die!" we yelled.

"I guess I missed the part where I was supposed to watch how much they drink, huh?" Kakashi-sensei looked at Sasuke-teme.

"No tag-alongs?" Teme asked.

Sensei shook his head. "Yamato and Sai are on a mission."

If you're wondering about the other friends we have meaning the tagged _Rookie nine_ and Gai's team, we invite them in a separate celebration of her birthday. Sakura-chan says she wanted to have a more intimate bonding session with the closest persons in her heart. Since we were those people, she spends more time with us, like this intimate and chosen people to interact with drinking session.

I can't remember for how long Kakashi-sensei stayed with us celebrating that night. But I do remember this one conversation between me and the birthday girl aside from the shock I experienced later on that left me baffled for quite a while.

"Bah!" Sakura-chan gulped down another shot of her Sake. "That coward Kakashi-sensei! Afraid of drunk Naruto, Sasuke and _pwetty_ Sakura!"

"No, no, no, Sakura-chan! Sensei said _something _about going to screw Shizune-san senselessly on the kitchen floor and again on the front porch and again on the table. Or something in between those lines. Yeah."

She looked scandalized. "Really? I thought he was with Iruka-sensei!"

"Iruka-sensei's hitting on Shizune-san too, remember? He brings her flowers and ugh… _stuff_, right?"

Sakura-chan clasped her hands together. "That's right! They're doing a threesome right now!"

I chuckled evilly before I said, "Those lucky _bitches_!"

* * *

Tsunade-ba-chan, being Sakura-chan's shisou, obviously had rubbed off on her. As I see it nowadays, she was quite getting alcohol-crazy-addicted. Drinking wasn't that bad. We were of legal age. And we were responsible too. We didn't drink on or before missions, trained shinobis that we are. But when you can't handle alcohol, that's when it gets bad. And Sakura-chan lacked in the alcohol tolerance department.

She's also one of those flirty drunks too.

Well, personally, this is better than getting addicted to gambling. I know she's not that lucky either. Can you just imagine that? A little Tsunade-ba-chan inside of her! That's a real disaster! She'll be the death of Konohagakure!

I was talking to the sexy empty bottle of Sake I held when Sakura-chan turned her 'flirty' mode on Teme. She touched him here and there as the bastard grunted in annoyance. She giggled like a high school girl and purred his name. Who the hell _purrs_ someone's name?

My bladder about to erupt, I excused myself to the bathroom to wash off the alcohol in my system. I talked to an imaginary someone who suspiciously looked just like me. Except his yellow hair was longer and he looked a lot older than me. Was I hallucinating at that time or did I just talk to the Fourth Hokage?

I didn't know if taking a piss could take hours or long enough to give way for something historical to happen. Really. Did Orochimaru saw Kabuto kissing one of his bodies after taking a piss? Did he? Talk about awkward and random. Me, as far as I know, I didn't take too long to eradicate the toxics out of my body that night.

So, imagine my shock when I returned to the table I was just in and saw Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun _in_ a lip lock! As in kissing! Lips to lips! That thing!

_Holy shit!_

It might have been a French kiss! Tongues rolling out and dancing with one another, you know that kind! There was definitely something like that! And Sasuke-teme's lips (or was it his tongue?) darting on her neck! What was just that? There was groping? Absolutely a lot of groping!

So, put yourself in my shoes.

You see all that shit happening to your two best friends after taking a _fucking_ piss! What're the odds to that? And yeah, add the fact that you haven't seen Sasuke-teme drink a single drop of Sake!

_What the hell!_


	3. 02

Hung-over's a bitch.

God, I sound _like _a sissy!

But yes, the effect of drinking like there was no tomorrow is a real bitch. That throbbing pain in your heard—really painful, is the price paid for drinking too much. There's this basic medical jutsu that can make the pain go away, but I have yet to master the technique. Whenever I try, the pain only increases. Though despite having a nasty migraine, I went to the training grounds our family—team 7 meets up every day. I was nowhere near in a good shape, but I came.

When I arrived, the place was as clean as flat cold ice. Nobody was there. This was odd. Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan, being the early birds that they are, should have been there first before me. And even though they had major hung-over's, they still, should have been there before me. They have mastered that basic medical jutsu years ago. _Years ago_! So there was totally _no way_ in hell their excuse could be acceptable!

I started thinking, maybe, they were really lost or just plain being tardy. Sakura-chan can get pretty cranky when she wakes up really, _really_ early. And Sasuke-teme is a _real _grouch when waking on the wrong side of the bed, just like all AB blood type people, I think. (Sorry AB blood cariers out there if you get offended. I mean, your blood type _is rare_! Come on, what am I supposed to think? You ought to have _special_ habits, you know. _Right_?) But then, Sasuke-teme is the only one I know who is an AB blood. But hey, everyone have those times too. Even shinobis are no exemptions.

Maybe, if I just waited, they would turn up, smiling widely at me as if nothing happened last night which would totally be awesome because I needed to bury the image of Sasuke-teme's lips engulfing Sakura-chan's!

With a migraine that felt like a hundred needles stabbing my brain, I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And fell asleep under the shade of a tree.

* * *

**02**

* * *

When I woke up, I felt a whole lot better, my hung-over fading.

And there was a note glued at my forehead written in a very familiar writing style that said:

_Had fun last night? I bet you did._

I snorted at this. Had _fun_? Is he kidding me? I was hallucinating that night! I entertained myself by calling an empty bottle of Sake 'baby' (I even kept hitting on it! God, that is disturbing!) and talked to the fourth Hokage! _Who_ is dead! And I saw _things_ that my eyes shouldn't have seen! I saw Teme _squeeze_ and _knead_ Sakura-chan's round breasts! (This got me aroused, mind you. It was a very _hot_ live show!) And Kakashi-sensei's asking me if I had fun!? Well, screw him!

_I have an A-class mission today and—_

I stopped reading. His stupid excuse might have been a lie anyway. Besides, I don't have time for his immature antics. The man has gray hair for crying out loud! Why can't he just grow up?

I wrinkled my nose and smelled dog pee! Fuck! _Dog Pee!?_ There, right beside me and probably some ON me! I growled as I had no doubt it was _that _mutt—Kiba and his monster-dog Akamaru's doing! I'll get him for this!

It _might_ be understandable for Kakashi-sensei to ditch me. But what about Teme and Sakura-chan? What didn't they leave a note? I mean, I could have forgiven them if they had scribbled their excuse on my face. But they didn't leave any note. I decided that I had to seek out the truth. I had to know the bottom line of what happened last night with regards to the kissing and groping and the public indecency. I really _had_ to know. Even if it killed me. (Which it _almost _did when I knew)

But first things first.

"Kibaaaa!! You _mutt_!!"

* * *

Getting in that brawl with Kiba and his huge doggy, I think was _fated_.

(Now, I talk like Neji! What's wrong with me!?)

I mean, because of that, I had real grounds to go to the hospital. I had a reason to go and see Sakura-chan as if it was a total coincidence. It's not that I wouldn't go to Sasuke-teme and bluntly ask him: "Why did _you kiss_ her, you son of a bitch?" No. I could have done that. I should have done that. Men talk things out when in a rift, right? But hey, _he_ kissed her! And he perfectly knew that I was still attracted to Sakura-chan _that _way!

So simply put, going to him and asking for his defense is a _big_ no-no. I had a hidden grudge at him. He kissed her! _Damnit_! After I took a piss!? Real smooth, Teme. I thought I'll never be able to look at him the same way again. You know that look—I'm your freaking rival but I'm still ironically _your_ best friend, you smart-ass!—_that_ look. Well, not at least a month or so, I thought.

"Sakura-chan," I called as I approached her. She had worn that long doctor robe, underneath was her red Chinese-zipper style top and a flesh colored knee-length skirt. She wore her black leather boots. She turned and saw me. I remember that time, I shall _never_ forget, because that time, my heart sank the moment I saw her face. She looked distressed and… _sad_.

_Sad _after her birthday? This is bad!

She must have been expecting me to come and talk to her because she ushered me to the cafeteria. If she hadn't pointed out or if my stomach hadn't growled in hunger, I wouldn't have noticed it was already lunch. Something was amiss here. She didn't ramble. Instead, she gave me that sad, _sad_ and distraught face and heavy sighs. And then she, all of a sudden pays for my lunch! She didn't even violently react when I bluntly said: "You look like a _wreck_, Sakura-chan!"

I _hoped_ and expected the feel of her heavy hand making contact with my face and she back sassing me. And then, she'll smile and laugh and everything will be alright again. But her hand didn't collide with my face. She only nodded in agreement. Oh no! Sakura-chan_ never_ agrees that she looked horrible! Never! Who was this woman I sat across with and what have she done with my happy yet ill-tempered Sakura-chan?

I poked the carrot on my plate. "So," I started, thinking carefully on how to put my questions in an arranged and tension-less manner. "So," _how did the macking session with Sasuke-teme go? Was it fun?_ Ask it like that? _Are you happy now that Teme groped you hard last night? Did he fulfill your wet dreams?_ Or like that? She looked at me, waiting for a question. "You want to tell me something?" I resorted on playing safe. I won't force her. She had to be willing to tell me.

She slumped on her chair and gazed at the people around us. "I don't want to love him anymore." She said.

I decided to go with the flow. "Who?"

Her green mesmerizing eyes were still focused somewhere distant, avoiding my stare. "Sasuke-kun. I don't want to love him anymore."

Bu she does, _very much_.

I was about to ask 'why' because she never gave any sign of stopping on loving him last month or last year. So why start now?

"This one-sided love business," She said, disrupting my train of thoughts. "It's _too_ tiring. Too much waiting. Too much disappointment. Too much sacrifice. Too much hope. _Too much_ of everything. And it's awfully painful. _Too_ painful."

I nodded. I understood. I did have a fair share of unrequited love too. Love towards her as she loved somebody else. Painful? Yes. And the pain can eat you alive if you don't know how to handle it.

"So that's why, I want to end it now. I was not blind, Naruto. I knew everything was futile. A dead end. But I pretended. I pretended that I can make him fall for me. Love me. Make him love _everything_ in me. I pretended _and _hoped for a chance. For something. For anything." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "But it has to stop now. I can't endure the pain anymore. So—"

"You don't want to love Teme anymore." I finished for her, drowning in the moment.

She nodded. "No more."

The ambiance was just too sad. It's like I couldn't breathe properly.

"How," I furrowed my eyebrows, sucking in the information she gave. "would you do that?" I had never been more proud of myself after I asked her that question. It's like I was hitting the main point here or something like that. But then, the feeling was cut short when I added: "I mean, why? _He_ kissed you, didn't he?"

I should have just shut up. I should have. Because after hearing those words of mine, she started crying.

* * *

After sobbing to her hearts content and two boxes of tissues, Sakura-chan told me the whole story on how and why she and Teme ended up kissing. At first though she said she hadn't realized that I _might have seen_ the whole thing. Which I _did _and not to mention, the whole Sake bar! Okay, fine. So maybe she hadn't saw me ogling at her and Teme while they committed public indecency because she had her eyes closed and she was too focused on the feel of her mouth and Teme's tongue inside. But hell! How could she forget that they were in a public place? How could she have forgotten about the fact that I was with them!?

Was Sasuke-teme's kiss that good to make her forget all the small yet important details in her life? Good enough to focus on just his mouth and his hands roaming all over her? That good-_good_? Because I had kissed him you know, once. In episode 3 of the anime series and it didn't give me any other feeling aside from disgust and trauma. But hey, it was chaste and he didn't have the chance to dart out his tongue on my mouth. So how the hell should I know?

Oh. My. God! Did I just say that?

I'm starting to go homo! No way! Must wash my brain! Must wash my brain! Must bury the memory of me and Teme accidentally kissing into the depths of Atlantic! Must flood it with reading Icha! Icha! Paradise, Super Duper Special Hot Edition! Damn you, Masashi Kishimoto! You have forever tainted my masculinity and awesomeness!

(SLAP!)

_There._ I'm all better now.

"Naruto, you have to fully understand and keep in mind that I was under the influence of alcohol while this happened. Since I said and did things…inappropriate, and such." She blushed. "I was drunk_, damnit_! Are we clear!?"

"Hai, Hai! Sakura-chan!" I grinned. I knew this would be juicy.

Well, according to Sakura-chan, this was how it happened:

"Sasuke-kun," she purred. Yes, I definitely heard that before I went to the bathroom. She purred his name! She _purred_! "Sasuke-kun," she purred again. She touched Teme's chest. He grunted in annoyance. She sat closer, pushing her full breasts to his arm. "Sa-su-ke-kun," she called him again, a little seductively though.

Teme snapped and glared at her, "_What_?"

She giggled, "Wanna hear a secret?"

"No."

"Okay, wanna hear _my_ secret?"

"Tch." Annoyed, Sasuke-teme tried to pry her arm off Sakura-chan. "Let go, woman. Even though today is your birthday, I will not tolerate you—"

"I don't love you anymore."

Teme froze in spot, unresponsive like a fish. Wait, do fishes have fish language or do they have telepathy? Because who can talk underwater? Can you?

"Huh?" God, Teme sounded like the real genius that he is.

"No, wait," Sakura-chan smiled. "I still do!"

Teme glared. Oh, relieved, is he?

"But I don't want to anymore!" She happily chirped.

"Huh!?" And intelligent. Teme sounded _very_ intelligent!

Her breasts still pressed on his arm, she said: "So, kiss me!" she started leaning her face closer to his. "I deserve at least a kiss!"

Teme was confused. Which I totally would be if I were in his shoes! Because if I were, which I really didn't want to, I would have knocked Sakura-chan out. She was drunk! And flirty and totally, totally confusing! Why the heck would she say that she doesn't wasn't to love him no more when in reality, she really does! And then bluntly ask for a kiss? Just like that? She even wore a stupid smile on her face. How twisted is she?

"You think because it's your birthday you get to have anything you want?" Teme retorted.

"Well, _chyeah_! I'm a good daughter. Am an obedient Konoha shinobi and citizen! Plus, it's my birthday! So I deserve a kiss!" she pressed on. "Kiss me!" she made a smoochy noise. "Kiss me, damnit!"

Teme looked around, "Where the hell is Naruto when you need him?" Well, for your information Mr. Macho, I was talking the freaking _piss_ of my life that time, thank you very much!

"To hell with Naruto!" Sakura-chan said. To hell with me? why, Sakura-chan, oh, why!? "All you need to concentrate on is me! No one else! And your lips on mine! And everything will be over!"

Teme raised an eyebrow at her. "Over? You mean?"

"I told you already! I don't want to love you anymore! So kiss me as a closure! I deserve at least a kiss from you! From all the love and devotion you received from me, I deserve a kiss! Or maybe two. Or three. Or more! But since I'm such a generous woman, I'd only ask for one. A kiss is still a kiss! And I earned that kiss!"

Teme was about to say something equally sarcastic and hurtful. But Sakura-chan, being the major talker that she is, beat him to it.

"You're too painful to love, Sasuke-kun. No, no, wait. I should call you by your surname now. I have to start practicing anytime soon, right? So, dear Uchiha-san, yes, no more endearment for you too! Say hello to plain formality. As I was saying, you're too painful to love, Sasu-_Uchiha_-san. And I have grown tired and weary. You know, this whole 'annoying' thing is really getting old now. I don't want to wake up and feel the coldness of a freaking bench! I don't want to be bitched about me being fucking 'weak' as well. And I definitely don't want to see your godamn sexy face anymore!

"You know why? Because when I do see that pretty poker face of yours, my knees grow weak like jellies! You give me the tingles inside and butterflies in my stomach! You give me false hope and I become vulnerable again. I don't want to chase after your heart anymore. Literally. Ish. Because I don't think you do have one. But at least. A kiss. I deserve a kiss after all that I've done, Sa-_Uchiha_-san. Damnit! Calling you by surname would probably take weeks to get used to. So there. I earned it! So, kiss me, fuck you! Or I will do it myself and I assure you that I will not only steal a kiss but I'll also—"

Teme dipped in and smacked his lips on hers, shutting her up.

And thus started the French kissing and groping session.

* * *

That was all she explained to me. The kissing part. Because when I tried to ask her about what happened after that, she instantly remembered something and excused herself saying that she had to be somewhere and blah, blah, blah. You know that lame and unbelievable excuse you give when you want to get way from something? That was what she did.

With the talk Sakura-chan and I had that lunch; I sat on my chair in the comfy perimeters of my apartment, slurping down my seventh cup of ramen and started thinking.

Yes, I can think! _So too_!

Ahem. Where was I? Ah, me thinking. I thought, no, I _knew_ that she was hiding something from me. Something connected to Teme. Something big that have caused her to act and shy away like that. Not that I was nosy or anything, I decided that I really, really,_ really_ wanted to find out!

I decided that I would do my best on finding out why Sakura-chan wanted to stop loving Teme anymore and what happened after they kissed. What did they talk about afterwards? Did they have a fight? Or anything? Tomorrow, yes, I'll start tomorrow because I'm giving her space, I thought. I told to myself: I shall endeavor on finding out the answers to my questions! If not, I shall run thousands of laps around Konoha!

Ugh. Forgive me, I hang out with Bushy brows and Gai-sensei after Sakura-chan and I talked. Their flaming youth is just so…contagious. And addicting. And admirable! Did you see how rigorous their training is? Man, it would kill Kakashi-sensei to run a hundred lap around a single tree! Come sing with me! Come into the fiery heart of youth and rejoice—

(Pok!)

Ouch! _That _hurt, you dweeb!

(Pok!)

_Right_. The story.

I was going to crack Sakura-chan to tell me something if I had too, I thought. And there would be no way in hell would I ask Teme to tell me the real stuff. I'm still pissed at him and his actions that night. He wasn't even drunk! So no way! No way in hell! Even if he would come to my house and beg me to take my friendship with him back because he had realized how important I am! No way!

Never.

You must have figured it out that I always talk and think things exaggeratedly, don't you? And that I always end up, ironically, doing the exact opposite of what I say, right? Because when I opened the door to my apartment and saw Teme standing in front of my doorstep, asking me to go eat with him, I realized that too.

Glancing at the empty cups of ramen that I just ate, I looked at him and said, "Sure." Because, really, didn't I say he was my best friend slash rival? There may be a slash. But still. Note the best friend. "But you pay!"

He only growled in agreement.

* * *

"She said she doesn't want to love me anymore."

I looked at Teme who had been staring into time and space for quite a while. He wore his favorite blue shirt and khaki pants. By the way he smelled led me to believe that he had not been training for the past few hours. If he didn't train, what could he, the mission-oriented Sasuke-teme, have done? Ogle at oblivion just like what he did in front of me? Or think things through in despair?

"Uh-huh." I replied while chewing down my second hot bowl of ramen. "Are you going to eat that?" I asked, pertaining to the untouched ramen in front of him. "Can I eat that too?" I pleaded. Because really, why waste those yummilicious noodles when there's an Uzumaki Naruto beside you? "Aw, come on! _Pwetty _please?"

He pushed the bowl towards me. I grinned happily. I always knew he had a soft spot for me! So sweet of him.

"She said—"

"She doesn't want to love me anymore. Yadda. Yada." I earned a glare from him. He always does that whenever I cut him off. But when he cuts me off, I listen to what he had to say. You're so unfair, Teme! "I heard you the first time! I actually have ears, you know?"

Geez. Who would have thought that the famous—

Yes, famous, he has a fun club, you know! Millions of it! And I don't get it! Why is he more famous than me? I mean, I'm the main character here! My name is the title of the anime series, damnit! Why? Why!?

—Uchiha Sasuke would one day take me out for ramen unconditionally, pay for anything I ate, and pour me the things that trouble him, which is oh, I don't know, something as trivial as love! Who would have thought that there would come a time like this? Heh. That is so ironically funny.

"She asked me to kiss her." He started again, looking distressed just like Sakura-chan. You know, if kissing and a little groping between two people who are not romantically in love with one another would make them unhappy, then why do it? Both Teme and Sakura-chan are geniuses. Didn't this come to their minds? Man, they're killing me here!

"And I... _did_. I kissed her."

"Uh-huh." I was tempted to add: And not to mention, you groped her too! But I bit my tongue and kept it to myself. I actually pretended to know nothing. So that I could differentiate what he and Sakura-chan said. So that I could easily track down the left parts of the story that Sakura-chan forgot or didn't tell me for her own reason.

Teme gave a deep sigh, his eyebrows meeting one another. When I looked at him, I realized and saw it clearly.

He was utterly and plainly_ miserable_.

_Really _miserable.

There's this saying: What you don't know can't hurt you. Ever heard of that? I'm sure Sakura-chan did. Maybe this was the reason why she kept it from me. Because it would hurt me. Whatever 'it' was would hurt me deeply. So she shielded me, or probably herself too. But I don't think Sasuke-teme knew that saying. Or if he did, he didn't care enough on how I would react and feel towards it. Because he told me everything Sakura-chan deemed me of knowing.

"We slept together."

Secrets revealed.

"_Shit_!" Teme growled in realization, banging his head. "We _fuckin'_ slept together!"

I was so sure that I was dead after his words.


	4. 03

During moments that leave you unbelievably wrong and humiliated, there's a little famous line that always gets tossed around:

'_Curiosity killed the cat_.'

Which awfully translates to a very sarcastic: '_I told you so! You shouldn't have done this and that! This is your entire fault from the very beginning! Yadda yadda yadda._' You get the point. And then all that's left in you is regret. Something along the lines of: '_I shouldn't have done this. I shouldn't have asked around. I shouldn't have investigated in pursuit of the truth_.'

I maniacally smiled at this because it happened to me. "I shouldn't have," I whispered, jokingly and ironically voicing out my train of thought. "I shouldn't have…" I stop. _What?_ I shouldn't have listened to Teme's confession? I shouldn't have dug out the truth with regards to what happened between them? Shouldn't have worried over their sad, weird and miserable lives? By admitting so, that would make me a hypocrite. And I never aspired to be connoted as the 'Hypocrite Hokage'.

No _freaking_ way! (Because I know I _will_ become Hokage! Dattebayo!)

So no matter how much I receive that sarcastic line, I'd simply swallow it all in. Because if I was given a chance to change the course of what it is now, I wouldn't dare change a thing, I would still go out on finding the truth of everything, of Sakura-chan and Teme because they are my very precious people. More precious than a million bags of diamond. (Though it _is_ very tempting)

But that doesn't mean it did not hurt.

It did. _Very_ much.

* * *

**03**

* * *

There were a lot of times that I had almost met death.

Too many events that I couldn't even keep count anymore (I stopped at three. I'm pretty bad at Math anyway). That cold sensation of my body and that white warm inviting white light was not new to me. It could only follow waking up in a hospital. It happened so many times that I can now distinguish a Konoha hospital bed just by smelling it. I could even draw the said hospital inside-out blindfolded. It almost went on like a routine. Every time I woke up from my life-and-death struggle, I was always met by Sakura-chan's cheery smile, her eyes watering with great relief—something I like because it makes me feel _wanted_, loved.

But at that very specific time, when I woke up, the routine I had almost gotten used to crumble into pieces as reality did a very bitchy slap at my face.

As I began to stir, the soft and faint voices greeted my ear. But I did not have to open my eyes nor move closer to know who were talking right outside the room I was currently sleeping in. Their chakra signatures told me everything there is to know. There was about four to five feet free space between them.

"I already told you." It was said in a firm voice and implication. The other one who was leaning on the wall slightly straightened up and placed his hands on his pockets, a habit he's very fond of, and apologized.

"Sorry won't cut it." There was a short pause, "It simply won't do."

There was hesitation in both parties, as if each would swallow the other whole. After a minute or so of contemplating, he responded. "Then, what do you want me to do?"

The thought must have been tempting for it took a lot of breath and sheer will power from her to turn her back on him. She still must have wanted to ogle more at his pretty face but chose not to. "You don't have to do anything." She started to walk away.

After a few steps, he called her out as he abruptly moved closer. "Sakura," his hands tried to reach her.

"_No_." Sakura-chan stopped. "Don't Sasuke-kun. _Don't_." her faint voice sounded so pleading and fragile. It sounded as if his mere words would be able to strike her down. Before he could utter another sound, she quickly sped away.

And Teme, ever the oblivious bastard that he was just stood there, watched her retreating back for a great deal of time, and I'm sure he even glared at the space she occupied just now. I was alerted when he suddenly walked towards the doorknob after his glaring session with space and time continuum (my two best friends are cerebral. I'm bound to pick up at least _some_ terms!). But wait, what would I tell him? '_You finally got what you deserve you ungrateful asshole!_' Voice it like that? How would I react? Plans for action escaped me.

It must have been a miracle (because I seem to be obliviously lucky) or Sasuke-Teme must have sensed my baffled chakra for he suddenly, out of nowhere whirled around and retreated the building. I sighed in relief for being spared more time to think things through. (Yes. Again with the thinking. I _can_ too!) I opened my eyes, stared at my left corner near the window sill and asked, "What's the cause this time?"

Kakashi-sensei stopped short from his reading and looked at me with great sympathy. He must be just like me—someone who was left out of the circle during their friends' problems. No. that grey old man just had to be in the same situation as I am now. He _had_ to be. I couldn't bear the thought of being the only one person who got disregarded like some unimportant being.

"Ramen indigestion." He answers quickly, avoiding any possible session of question and answer with me as he started to continue on reading his porn book.

I sat up straight and looked at the door which was left ajar.

I had always thought that if I had truly died, (which I am sure that the nine-tailed fox demon inside me wouldn't allow) it would be in a great battle between a fearsome arch enemy and I as a Konoha shinobi. I would die with great pride and honor as I fought for what I love, stand for and believe in as it would be my way of a ninja.

Who would have thought that the things I hold dear to me—like ramen and friends—would be one possible cause of my death?

* * *

He smiled at me as I hiccupped. "_Wha'cha stawin_ at?" I asked, trying to sound as intimidating as I can. But the red cheeks and my swaying head did not help. He swiftly took the white cold half-empty bottle of Sake from my hand. "_Wha'cha_ big deal!?" I glared at him.

Bright blonde strands of hair flew as he shook his head. "You've had enough drink, Naruto." His face almost looked like that of the fourth Hokage, except that he had two heads, and he came in a blur. "You're already drunk." He says as a-matter-of-a-fact tone.

I grumbled. "Why _choo_ you care?" because really, it seemed like this creature would always suddenly appear whenever I'm in a Sake bar. I don't even know his name. I tried to get the bottle back from him but he was just too damn fast. I stomped my feet. "I have real _pwoblems_! Leave me alone." I grumbled again, shoo-ed him away and laid my cheek on the wooden table, not caring whether it was dirty or not.

"I can't do that. I can't just leave you alone." I'm not that sure but I heard him add, "_Kushina_ (1) scares the hell out of me." I closed my eyes. I was starting to feel weary and sleepy. His words, probably of advice and all that shit, was mostly unheard by me. Except some tidbits of our conversation. "That Uchiha kid is _still _your best friend despite everything. And you know it yourself that you _can't_ turn your back on him."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "I _chnow_! That bastard!" I felt a hand ruffle my head. Come on, I drank like it's the end of the world and yet he treated me like all I ever needed was a lollipop to stop whining about my problems! Can't he see that I'm a fully-blown man? Goodness, I had even been (secretly and still am) engrossed in Ero-sennin's books! "It's_ chust_ that he didn't have to…" I trailed and whispered, "…kiss her." I slumped once more and raised a fist in the air. "_Dangit!_ _Whych'd_ he have to shag her as well!?" the people inside the Sake bar turned their heads to me. "_Whacha_ lookin' at? Huh, you punks?"

That blonde guy sitting beside me managed to cool me down before the other drunkards in the place was able to lay a finger on me. "You can't be upset forever, Naruto." He started. "You can't be envious of him. He does deserve to be loved—_female love_." He patted my head again and I slapped it away. "You deserve it too." He said and smiled at me. "And your time will come sooner than you expect."

The next thing I knew were the warm hand touching my head and that sweet powder scent. I opened my eyes to see what the rustling noises were all about and was greeted with a very concerned pair of eyes. I tried to sit up straight but failed my hung-over getting the best of me. I remember, she told me she found me very drunk and half-asleep on the street on her way home. She said I couldn't even walk nor talk human-like so being the concerned citizen that she always is she brought me to her home.

I breathed her name, "Hinata-chan," Despite her being very fragile, I then realized that I _can _lean on her.

"N-Naruto-kun," she looked _so_ worried.

It was probably because I started crying.

* * *

"Naruto,"

If I was asked to elaborate more on the period of my life where I had avoided any kind of contact with my two bestest friends, my brain cells would burn. Because even though I was successful enough on the 'avoiding' part, their tails would come up behind me and stab me blind.

"Was it true that he _banged_ her?"

I groaned. Second to Sasuke-Teme, I hate rumors and gossips.

"Or was it the other way around? We can really never tell what's going on inside that pink head of hers."

Why was it that when you strived your hardest to get at least some of the people's attention, they mockingly shoo you away but when you really, really did not want it, they undividedly give it to you? Life really is such a miserable fucked-up reality.

"Everyone's talking about this issue and I don't want to be left out."

For Pete's sake, the man had stalked me for hours!

"Fuck out of this, Shino!"

It might have been at least four days or so (you know I'm bad at Math, _damnit_!) since I last saw Teme and Sakura-chan after the whole 'sleeping' thing. This might be a small consolation but in their absence in that small span of my life, I was able to see and appreciate life (which meant I got to hang out with Gai-sensei and Bushy brows!)

"Butterflies are pretty and flowers are blue. I am so gloomy," I turned and face him. "can I hug you?"

SLAP!

"_Ouch_! That hurt! What's the big deal?" I asked, rubbing my throbbing cheek. "It's just a hug." Because really, I asked Gaara once and he gave me a nice, long, very warm hug! Aside from the malicious snickers, indirect 'gay' whispers, and pounding a few bodies into the ground, yep. Gaara's hug was pretty awesome. (ehem. I'm all male! Datebayo!)

Flipping his long brown hair back, Hyuga Neji coughed, totally ignoring my comment and avoiding eye contact. "I need to show you something." He said.

* * *

"So, all this time—"

"Hn."

"You tolerated—"

"Hn."

"You listened—"

"Hn."

"You kept him company—"

"Hn."

"I guess bastards have to keep an eye on each other, right?"

He raised an eyebrow as response.

I laughed. That was revenge for cutting off my sentences.

"Next time," Neji breathed, "Don't leave him in thin air." I lowered my head, my conscience (yes, I also have one of these!) slowly eating me. "And don't expect others to clean up the mess. You're his best friend, right? You ought to try to understand him more."

I tried to smile, which came out comically I suppose for Neji looked quite irritated. "I know."

"Then do your part." He spat out and turned around. "I've done mine." I stared at Neji for quite a while. He and Teme shared the same menacing, cold and intimidating aura. They're both cool and collected, both brooding except for the hair fetishes each preferred. Maybe, just maybe, Neji being in the same category as Teme is, he understands him more that I do.

"Neji," I called out the Hyuga's retreating form. He stopped and glanced past his shoulder, enough to see me. I smiled at him and said the words that'll never escape my lips ever again. (_that_ bastard! That overprotective cousin! _Sheesh_!) "Thank you." He only nodded in return and kept on walking.

I looked down at the floor where a very drunk Sasuke-Teme was sprawled on the tatami mat. "Let's get you home, _sweetie_." I joked as I tried to carry him out of the Sake bar which I had trouble with. Man, that skinny guy was _heavy_!

* * *

He woke up with a jolt. And puke.

Never had he looked so innocent (bah! Ew! Where am I getting all these adjectives from?) and ignorant (that's better!) when he saw me when he opened his eyes. "Naruto…?" there was definitely doubt in there. It wouldn't take a genius to know that I was avoiding him. Well, Sakura-chan was also avoiding me. (probably ashamed about the truth, that's why he concealed it from me, right? Anyway.) another theory was that maybe, he was in doubt because he might have seem four of me because he was waving at the other direction.

"Acting so tough when you drank seven bottle of Sake, huh?" I nudged him in the forehead, causing him to plop down on bed. "Where's the real Teme that I know?"

He placed his forearm on top of his eyes. "That's really rich coming from someone who shamelessly stayed at the Hyuga compound for five days."

I grinned. It was the exact word. _Shamelessly_. I shamelessly begged Hinata-chan to house me for quite a while (Neji: you freeloader!) in hopes of completely not seeing or bumping into Teme and Sakura-chan. "You're one to talk. I heard from Hinata-chan. You stalked Sakura-chan day and night." He didn't respond so I tried to annoy him as I painfully sang, "You _wanna_ touch her, you _wanna_ hold her, you _wanna_ kiss her, you _wanna_ shag—"

"Naruto," he spat my name like deadly venom. "Shut up."

I sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine, whatever." And mumbled: "Retarded bastard." I winced. "You already did those anyway."

"Naruto,"

I shrugged. "No need hiding it, Teme. Neji told me everything. You want to talk to her but she won't let you. I get it already."

"Hn." I took the liberty of translating this to a: 'that Neji-son-of-a-bitch! Telling on me like that! I swear I'm _gonna_' (censored) his (censored)!' He pulled the (my) blanket to cover half of his body. "She said I just used her."

I wholeheartedly smiled at him. (which kind of freaked him out because he said I was starting to look, act and pose like Gai-sensei and Bushy brows) I did so because I am _still_ (though this may be one-sided) his best friend. And as one, I have a duty to him. His problems are mine as well. My way of a ninja. My own code of honor.

"Then let's prove her wrong, shall we?"

And that's _the_ beginning of his suffering and my amusement.

As I said on prologue: Payback time, Teme!

* * *

**Footnote:** (1) - for those poor souls who doesn't know _Kushina_ nor the blonde guy Naruto was talking to in the previous chapter and this one, they are his biological parents. Yes. It was revealed in the manga series that the fourth Hokage, also known as _Minato_, is indeed Naruto's father. And Naruto's mother goes by the name Kushina.


	5. 04

Okay, so the plot of the story is now clear to you, right?

Teme is in deniably in love with Sakura-chan and they spectacularly clashed in bed, humping each other (_I got to know who topped who! I have an itching feeling its Sakura-chan. It's got to be her!_). The whole ordeal made Sakura-chan think that Teme just used (_he gave in_) her for entertainment. So, she's avoiding him and Sasuke's a mess.

But wait, here's the catch: _I_, Uzumaki Naruto will be the one who's going to help him—_them_.

And here's the real question:

Am I rooting for someone?

You might think that I have an overdose of some Jesus-complex embedded in my circulatory system (I know this, thank you very much! The one with the _thingy_, right?), but I am still a man! And a man has to protect his ego. Though Teme does this with a stick stuck up in his butt, I will do it with careful planning (hanging out with Shikamaru is good for my health!). What are ninja skills for, anyway? _Tehee_.

_You_ dope!

You do not believe me, don't you?

Well, watch and learn, _baby_.

-

-

**04**

-

-

I grinned wildly as I saw what I was looking for. I waved my hand and yelled: "Sakura-chan!" when the owner of the name met my eye, I walked right up to her. I whistled. "Had a wild night?" I asked, pertaining to her obviously visible dark rings under her eyes, her pale skin, her un-ironed clothes, and her large frown. Was it me or she did not look very happy?

"What do you want? I'm making rounds here, Naruto." she replied with a shooing gesture, her eyes didn't even leave the documents she was reading.

I grinned. "This won't take a while! I just came to ask a question, _seriously_!" I gave her a guy-pose which she gagged at.

"Then make it quick, moron." she answered and tucked the folder she was holding under her armpit. I can tell she was still irritated when she stared at the ceiling annoyed and started clicking her pen again and again.

I mentally laughed. She must be bothered by the 'Sasuke issue' at night, depriving her beauty sleep. "So, tell me…" I paused until she looked at me. "are you a Red Rose kind of girl?"

She looked awfully surprised. "You came here to talk to me about flowers? When I could be saving someone's life right now?" I smiled when I saw the small blush on her face. She was muttering something under her breath.

"Sorry to rain on your parade, Sakura-chan, but Sasuke-Teme didn't ask me to ask you what kind of flower you like."

She regained her defense poise with a much more reddish face. "I didn't say anything _like_ that, _idiot_!" she said that with a punch on my chest which I heartily laughed at because it was _so_ painful. That woman can really break my bones if she wanted to with just her pinky.

-

-

-

-

-

When I told Teme to meet up with me in the Yamanaka flower shop later that day, I was more like expecting him to be standing in front of the store a mile away. But to my surprise, the asshole that I knew was inside and seemingly has a pretty exciting glaring contest at a bonsai tree. Even Yamanaka Ino, who was taking care of the shop was oddly surprised and intensely shaken at the sight.

"Having fun, honey?" I snaked my arms around his waist. In the corner of my eye, I saw Ino wipe her bleeding nose. But then, she had always been a Yaoi fan deep inside her heart. Tehee. While I was fun teasing, my darling honey bunch was not amused. "_Ooh_, what's wrong, sweetheart?"

"You," was his cool reply. He easily pried my arms away from him.

I leaned in and whispered to his ear, "The mother rabbit just told me _a little_ secret today." I sheepishly grinned. I knew that it would so much annoy him. I was so close to him that I could inhale his sweet husky smell.

(OH.

My.

God!

That sweet—_fuckingly at that_—smell of "Uchiha Sasuke" absolutely did not turn me on!

NO WAY!

…

…

…

Why wont _you_ believe me!?)

"So what!?" Teme managed to say with a shiver running along his spines upon our closeness. He pocketed his hands and prepared to leave.

_What a jerk_! After telling him that I'd help him get better with Sakura-chan, he still resorted on playing the same old heartless bastard at me! What an inconsiderate jerk! Even though he was gifted with a pretty face, I might as well sell it to earn a living!

His black head (not to mention it's rather metal-like) churned as he turned to take a glance at me with those smoldering ready-to-kill eyes of his. "So tell me, what did she say?" I was suddenly taken aback. Because he was blushing! As in red hot cheeks!

I laughed.

Because maybe, he was really just, well… _shy_.

Considering how enormous his ego is, it must have taken a lot of his guts to act naturally at me. Because knowing that something happened between the two of them, I did feel awkward. And I still do. I never actually approved of the Sakura-Sasuke happily-ever-after fairy tale now, did I?

Putting that aside, I seem no not get over my revelation. Sasuke and adjective such as 'shy' do not mix together, do they? I laughed at how irony worked. It looked like no matter how cool one is, the universe would still conspire to embarrass you at a certain given time. And I am so going to take that to my advantage!

I smiled at him. "I'm. _Not_. Telling. You." I told him in a tune.

Sasuke twitched. I feel so happy when he does that. Because it only meant that he was deprived of something he was so much anticipating. "Naruto," he called me as he walked to the front door. I watched his back move. "next time," he stopped and smirked at me. "gargle." I gasped. _What!?_ "Because I swear you could have killed me when I smelled your breath." With that, he disappeared outside.

How dare he!?

_He_—the so-called best friend of mine!?

Oh.

He is so going to get it!

I turned to face a still nose-bleeding Ino. "Hey," I instantly put on a glimmering happy face. "Sakura-chan tells you her most deep and darkest secrets, right!?"

Ino continued to wipe her nose. "Yeah. Why!?"

I grinned evilly.

"I need your help with something."

-

-

-

-

-

That night, when Haruno Sakura-chan returned to her house, she found an average-sized box lying obediently on her doorstep. Without suspicion or any of the sorts, she picked it up and carried it inside her humble abode. I smirked through my awesome binoculars.

I knew that when she opened the box, she would soon find a beautifully arranged flower set.

And minutes later after inhaling the poor thing's scent and presence, her allergy would be unleashed. She would begin sneezing—again and again. She would feel an itching sensation all throughout her skin. She may even be able to have difficulty in breathing. Her allergy attack may come in surprise at a high level that she may have difficulty on healing herself despite her being a great and highly respected Medical ninja but that's like, a small percent. The odds of Sakura-chan being in that small chance is like the chance of Jiraiya getting laid. Right!?

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH_!"

Holy SHIT!!

Sakura-chan collapsed!

I ran to find Teme. Or someone who could help me help her. As I was doing so, I was chanting a prayer in my head.

"I hope she didn't read the sender's card!"

Because on that sender's note, it said:

_We need to talk._

_Uchiha Sasuke_

-

-

-

-

-

I was so scared for my life! One reason for such feeling would be:

"Sakura-chan's going to _DIE_!" I wailed.

Teme smacked me in the head. "She's not going to die, moron!" he reassured me in his Sasuke-way. "Shizune said she's stable now."

"But, but—" I continued to wail. Because for the second reason: I was dead guilty. So guilty that my tears did not stop flowing till my eyes became all puffy. I guess some pranks do backfire. "—why isn't she waking up?" I asked Sasuke who was standing still beside the window as I was beside a sleeping Sakura-chan in the hospital.

Teme sighed, rubbing his temples. "Shizune said she was exhausted and was in a lot of stress lately," and the root of that stress I very much well know. It goes along the lines of_: Sasuke and Sakura were sitting on a bar. K.I.S.S.I.N.G. Fist comes groping and then comes sex._ "and when her allergy attacked, she went through a physical block out."

"But _still_!" I argued while wiping my tears and some from my nose. "She's always the doctor! She cant be the patient!" I gripped her warm hand tighter. "She can't be!" I was too guilty. I blame my poor weak soft spot for her.

Sasuke looked away from me. "Stop crying, idiot. You look like a sissy." He told me dead panned. But his tense facial expression spoke to me in a different light. He was more worried about her than I am.

I was about to say something when I felt Sakura-chan stir. And before I knew it, she had her eyes open and she was sitting up. "Are you alri—"

"Naruto," she called my name so seriously and tightened her hold on my hand. "I have something important to discuss with Sasuke-kun."

Oh. Crud!

My gut told me she did read the sender's card after all.

"But Sakura-chan. Can't you discuss it with me as—"

"No." she said and let my hand go. She was dead stern. I looked over to Sasuke who looked exactly the same except for the aura message he was sending which was: _Go now. Walk away now. Start walking, idiot!_

Hah! Okay. FINE, you lovebirds! Sort this thing out with all the misunderstood events! I grumpily and still guilty walked out of the room. The moment I closed the door, I felt as though someone punched my gut so hard.

-

-

-

-

-

"_Why_, Sasuke-kun?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you do that?" Serious face. "Were you trying to kill me?"

"Sakura, what are you talking—?" Confusion.

"I am ignoring you, _damnit_! Can't you figure out a simple thing as that!?" Glare. "And yet you keep on following me, stalking me even."

"Sakura, I just—"

"Uchiha Sasuke," Pause. "I don't want to love you anymore."

"I…" it stung, "know."

"I appreciate that you fulfilled my greatest wish that night, under the covers," turn away, "that was very selfish of me."

"…hn."

"I know that you did it unwillingly…but thank you." Grip tighten, "Since I got that out of my chest, you can now step out of my life."

"…!"

"Please."

"…"

"_Please_!"

"…No," their eyes met, "I… can't."

-

-

-

-

-

I had a tingling sensation that this will somehow conclude in a disastrous (_happy_?) ending.

Oh well, at least they get to talk to each other.

All thanks to me, right?


End file.
